i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
