Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You ruined the universe
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
