I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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