HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
