3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
