and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
