I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
