So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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