I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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