That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
