He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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