The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
