Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
