Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
