Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
