this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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