I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
