how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
