i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Everclear isn't food dammit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
