I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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