girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
