you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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