i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Enjoy the penises
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
