is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
