I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
