I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
