College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
