Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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