I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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