dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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