Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
