How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize