1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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