I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
