just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
