My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
