and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He felt like a one man threesome
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize