Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
