I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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