Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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