so explain again why im purple
no
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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