u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
