When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
