this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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