No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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