so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
