So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
