im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
