...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sarcasm needs its own font
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
