Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
