Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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