I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
