wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
