I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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