I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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