he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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