Already got asked if we're dating
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
