turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
