Only a mothe r could love this liver
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
