he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
