i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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