I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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