Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
