Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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