Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
