May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
