...so i touched it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
