please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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